Hansel Tiberius Link Leonheart Westwood
Full Name: Hansel Tiberius Link Leonheart Westwood
Goes By: Han
Age in canon: 17/18
Age as of 2014: 20/21
From: (Assuming) Ohio, USA
School: Dalton Academy
Hansel "Han" Westwood (Full name Hansel Tiberius Link Leonheart Westwood, his parents having named him after multiple fandoms) is Windsor House's resident techie and is affectionately known as the Caterpillar. Even his frequent online handle iamthecaterpillar says as much. He is obsessed with technology to such a point that he has to crank down the temperature in order to keep all the servers from overheating.
When the air conditioning is ineffective, he resorts to dry ice, causing smoke-like mist all around his room. His room is a battleground of gadgetry and computers, and his sleeping area has been reduced to a single futon at the side surrounded by gaming paraphernalia. It has, however, been suggested that Han does not sleep at all (the twins quoting that his online activity timestamps, when seen, just seem to steadily go on at all hours without pause).
He does his homework online and only leaves his room for exams; his parents told the school that he has a "delicate constitution." He has most of Windsor House bugged along with other parts of Dalton Academy. He comes in very handy, especially with his lack of concern for the consequences that could arise from hacking into government satellites (see episode 19: Paint).
Dwight calls Han the omniscient one, as from his headquarters, he can see and hear things that happen all over Windsor. This does not however mean that he is interested in them. In a discussion with Kurt, he mentions that he would only ever look in the feeds if he heard someone screaming bloody murder. He also mentions to Charlie that he does not keep tabs on people's love lives, preferring more important matters, such as episode marathons.
Han writes fanfiction.
He classes his religion as Jedi.
Over the holidays, he held an online party through Ragnarok, an online gaming site.
He considers himself married to the internet.
Han can play any pokemon type and doesn't favor any type.
He has brown eyes.
He was going to hack the Wall Street feed but thought against it.
He thinks it's easier to get past a firewall than hacking a security camera.
He prefers headphones over earbuds.
Han goes to geek conventions but he doesn't dress up, he goes for the merch.
Han considers drinking parties as prime time to fire up the video/audio recorders and reap some precious blackmail.
His favorite superhero is Batman.
Han is a champion lightsaber fighter for three years running. Weapon of choice: Qui-gon Jinn standard lightsaber, modified to emit dual-phase. Alternate: Darth Vader dual phase.
He didn’t want to go to New York. He had to go to some kind of Cybergames competition.
He’s pale and a little on the heavy side.
Han predominantly uses Zerg when playing Starcraft.
Han's never been kissed.
He always cries in 'Land before Time' when Little Foots mom dies.
He doesn't sing but he can play the entire Star Wars Main Theme on keyboard.
He sees NASA or Google in his future career.
Han went as a Jawa last Halloween.
Han ended up getting tied to a chair with the yarn while trying to crochet.
He’d be a Ravenclaw. Sure, his branch of knowledge is select, but he’s very very good at what he does.
When Han's internet is threatened, he reacts badly (e.g. bloodcurdling screams).
When given playdoh, he turned it into a drop-shape and put eyes. (“It’s a Poring.”)
He believes that he will find his “Arwen” one day.
Han makes a hobby out of finding “easter eggs” in video games.
Han would like to say that under no circumstances is he going to watch all that High-Octane Nightmare Fuel. Brain Bleach please.
Han collects figma and Gunpla
Han is a champion lightsaber fighter for three years running.
His Weapon of choice: Qui-gon Jinn standard lightsaber, modified to emit dual-phase. Alternate: Darth Vader dual phase.
He ships whatever Tumblr ships.
Han's ideal girl will be a full-fledged, cosplaying, Skyrim-playing, TV-show/Anime-watching geek girl. Who can code.
Han has a green lantern ring.
Han knows a lot about sex.
Han has been the North American Lightsaber Battle Champion for three years.
Han has a lot of armors. Ranging from very out there, to medievil batman.
Han can play the entire Star Wars Main Theme on keyboard.
Han owns a mario style fishtank.
Lucy revealed a ten foot tarpaulin poster for a big convention that has Han as Nightwing.
Han was a sponsered player for a Starcraft Tournament; he earned money.
Han ususally uses Zergs when playing Starcraft.
Han has a little robot caterpillar, that shines multicolored lights. The caterpillar-bot changes light patterns, scanning the DNA of the person it's with, blinks twice and all of it's "sections" pop open. Each section has a piece of chocolate, the lights blinking decoratively around it.
His idea of vacation is to bring Apple servers to a halt.
Han wants kids in the future.
Han has no problem watching horror movies.
Han has Assassin's Creed cosplay.
Outside his date's house, four armored knights on horses arrive, protecting a six-horse carriage of gilded white. The Lead Knight speaks, "Your Highness, we've come to escort you to Hansel." The footman of the carriage, dressed in Elven white, drops down and bows before her, gesturing to the carriage.
After the footman settles her in, wings and all--there's more than enough room, the entire group rides on. On the seat across from Han's date, a velvet box with a note pinned to it is waiting, along with a bouquet of wildflowers.
"To my beloved princess, I pray you have a safe journey to the humble location I've set out for the both of us. I have sent my best knights to protect you on the way, and I await your arrival with a jubilant heart, knowing that I will gaze upon you soon. This gift before you is but the beginning, and I politely request you wear it tonight. It pales in comparison to you, but I offer it nevertheless. -Your knight, Hansel."
Inside the box is a white gold and diamond replica of Arwen's crown. The carriage drives on, heading to what looks like a big estate with a mansion--the kind that people rent out for events. The carriage stops at the staircase. At the staircase, there is a costumed servant at each step, and they all bow as the footman helps Han's date step onto the carpet laid down.
The Head Servant speaks as the knights dismount and surround her, "Your Highness, I am to escort you to the ballroom. The servant bows and the Knights and he escorts her down empty halls, the place looking and sounding empty and quiet. The servant stops at a set of doors and opens them carefully. In contrast to the darkness of the empty halls, the room is large, airy and bright, lit with candles, lanterns, and a massive chandelier.
The doors open to the top of a staircase--down below, hundreds of people in fairy and elven masquerade costumes look up, see her, and all applaud. The entire venue is decorated in whimsical things and wildflowers. Then all the partygoers bow or curtsy low, leaving one person dressed in an royal knight costume at the foot of the stairs.
He takes off his mask and smiles as he bows to her. Han smiles up at her very happily, then looks at the assembled, "Everyone...I'd like to present my Arwen. The assembled group applauds again as Han goes up the stairs and goes on one knee to bow before her like a real knight. Han, smiling, says, "Good evening, my princess."
They kiss and again, the room applauds. He points behind him to where his parents are seated on King and Queen thrones. As Han and his date walk down the staircase, the people in the party bow and curtsy. They greet Charlotte and Desmond before Han leads his date out to the dancefloor where they dance.
About Mics and Trolling:
"Yeah, I talk to the rest of the party—make sure no one does anything stupid. And as far as trolling goes… When I play Ragnarok Online on a private server that I run, sometimes I activate a couple of Bloody Branches in prt_fild08… you know, where all the Novices pop out to level a bit…
(embarrassed) I don’t know. I give the MVPs about half an hour slaying the Novies… But I do afterwards go tell some Rune Knights, Guillotine Crosses and Rangers to go kill the MVPs in return for some custom wings or helms."
All boys and some girls had a jousting competition. Everyone rode a horse, and used an eleven-foot log to try and knock off their opponents. Some people are betting on Han, who is jousting for House of Westwood, as he's been to fairs and jousts before.
The houses Windsor, Stuart, Hanover and Lancaster have agreed that whichever house "wins" will be served by all the other houses in a big cookout. Han was competing against Shane from Windsor. Desmond reminded his son of what he learned in training, and Han assured him that he knew where to hit. When the flag dropped, Shane aimed his lance straight at Han who expected it and turned.
Han then drove the lance into Shane and Shane flew right off his horse. Shane hurt his shoulder badly so Han won that round. In the second round, he was facing off against Sara from Dobry. In the second round, she was facing off against Han from House of Westwood. When the flag dropped, they raced forward. Sara put all her strength into it, but Han was used to being knocked around.
Han drove his lance into Sara’s shield and shattered more than half the tip before being thrown backwards. Sara kept in control but Han had too many points so he won.
When Han was a baby, he was quiet, but he loved seeing figurines and other paraphernalia that most collectors would say were “not toys.”
His parents came to Parents Night.
Han is unaware that he is to inherit a massive fortune which includes three major properties and a ranch, from his grand uncle in Nevada.
If anyone hurt Lucy: "I’m borrowing Drew and Satoru’s laser, my lightsaber, and I’m calling in one of the many favors the Twins owe me for an all-out Lord-of-the-Rings-Battle-at-Helms-Deep-scale onslaught at anyone who did it."
Hans nickname from his parents is "Little Warrior"
Hans parents were proud to see Han wearing WoW badges.
He is a “blue shirt” during impromptu phaser battles around the Westwood home.
He once fought his sister Lucy in a two-hour-long lightsaber battle before finally beating her.
Han's first few words were mama, papa, ball, baba (bottle), punch, and hadouken. No, seriously. The last one.
Han was trained by his father to joust.
Han and Lucy have headsets that allows them to mentally control their computer systems.
His aunt brought him a car.
The Westwood's have a photo of Han as an infant, wrapped in a blanket with a light saber beside him. The caption is "Here's to our first offspring, Hansel."
There is a photo of Han as FF Advent Children Cloud, with no sleeves and blade resting on his shoulders.
The Westwoods are going as the Bat-family for Comic Con. (Tho Han and Lucy might go in a different attire for another day)
The Westwoods decked their home theatre out to make it like a Bat-lair. Complete with woking batcar, costumes they can wear and gargoyles.
That awkward moment when you're furiously trying to beat your CIA admin mom and astronaut dad in a racing game where you guys actually sit in driver seats made to be like F1 race cars and you glance over and see that dad isn't really even TRYING as he passes you. Meanwhile mom complains that there's no "weaponry" option. ...I don't even know why Han and Luce try sometimes.
Han occassionally calls Lucy "Gretel"
The first time Han got seriously grounded - like seriously, not just we're-taking-away-your-iphone kind of pointless grounding at the Westwoods - was when he hacked into the FBI's fingerprint database.
His reasons: He wanted to see if there really is a Hannibal Lecter. Lucy contests that the hacking was technically not hacking when you lift access codes from your CIA-member mother's suitcase.
Anyway, as a result, Han was grounded. He was given a stripped down computer that is capable of only Windows 95. For two weeks. Han said it was the longest 2 weeks of his life.
Sometimes Han goes to get Satoru for backup when he’s fixing his “headquarters”.
When someone asks what a loud noise was, he responds with "Computer meltdown?"
When the boys decided to dress up in drag to be Kurt's mothers on Mothers Day, Han wore a Princess Leia dress which he got from Lucy. They were plotting this for days.
Han was selected by the then prefect (Peter) to be in Windsor when he was originally placed.
Han is going to MIT for college.
He blew the lights on his first day of school - they boys were all betting that he couldn't do it.
At the end of The Reichenbach Fall, Han came downstairs to eat with the others looking like a mess and flopped his face onto the table. When the boys asked him what was wrong, he just said the episode title and they all nodded and left him alone.
For Childrens Day, all boys and girls dressed up as their favorite characters as a child. Han dressed up as Edward Elric.
When Dwight is restless at night, he will get up, escape out a window and wander campus. Han makes sure to keep an eye on him.
Justin makes Han buy them all lightsabers in bulk and he hands them out to every occupant.
When the boys went visiting, Drew and Satoru had a violent pink vial. Satoru explained it was, "An extremely potent love potion slash aphrodisiac." but Han snatched it away before they could give it to anyone. He explained, "You don't want him holding onto this, it'll make him and any person within his radius desperate for sex that very instant." to which Logan said, "Then it'll have zero change on Derek?"
Han is quite willing to make a cosplay video with him, Dwight and Neil.
Han has a wall of Monster cans in his room.
So the boys stake out in Han's room. In his Freshman year, he wasn't totally a shut in just yet so they waited until he fell asleep on his futon while reading a comic book. They all broke in by killing the circuit breaker to all of Windsor beforehand, so Han's systems were down (no generators back then, he has since learned from this). Then they went for him, but Han was a light sleeper, jerked awake and started yelling, grabbing for a gunblade replica at the side of his bed.
The twins leapt forward and picked up the lightsaber replicas and started fighting back with him. Various cosplay weapons and Han's ENTIRE LIGHTSABER COLLECTION lit up in the course if thise battle as the room filled with flailing boys. But it was the Twins (with their combat skills) who finally overthrew the resident hermit by knocking him over a computer chair.
Han would go on to say that if he was having it one-on-one and wasn't holding a Gunblade, he would've won, since he WAS a champion lightsaber fighter-- Anyway, someone found a cape (later turned out to be a Jedi battle poncho) and covered him in it and they tied him down and then hauled him out of there.
Dressing In Drag
The boys were looking through old photos and were seriously arguing who looked the best in drag. "Look at your knees! You look like you've been kneeling in ashes!" "Screw you, man, my figure was better than yours!" "You don't even look good as a blonde! It takes charisma to pull that off!" " Your heels sucked!" "Excuse you, I looked like damn supermodel in those heels!" "You look like you needed some serious eyebrow threading." "At least I didn't have a five-o-clock shadow."
"Hey, I was Claudia freaking Schiffer in that dress. What do you call that shapeless sackcloth you were wearing?" "That was PRADA!" "Man, that was a bad lipstick color on you." "That was the only thing I could get!" "I think you'd've looked better in coral, really brings out your eyes." "Really?" And Kurt, the aforementioned victim of all this drag-ness, is pretending this isn't happening. "Look at this. You're not even sitting like a girl. You're sitting like a red-light district bang tail."
"I was the epitome of grace!!" "You need grace. Like prayers. Like before meals." They then organized a walk-off. Reed was happy to help while Kurt wasn't but the boys dragged them both off to dress them anyway. They all went to Dobry. 45 minutes later, they were all dressed up. Hope was standing on a big auditorium stage as the girls squeal in the audience.
"WELCOME TO THE DALTON ACADEMY WALK OFF!!" David opens the show. In full getup and wig and makeup. And a long silver evening gown. Katherine was laughing and screaming simultaneously. Charlie, in heels, follows after Wes, looking like he's way too big for that cornflower blue dress he's got on. Hope was falling all over Sydney, giggling.
And then Shane. Who's still in the wedding dress. Reed was laughing too hard to stand up as Shane struts down the runway, hamming it up. Kurt asked " ...why are you dating him again?" and Reed raises an eyebrow at him before gesturing to the runway. Blaine swirls into the runway and struts down it. Kurt: "......I retract my previous statement." Wes strolls in wearing a flowy, wavy dress and strutting along, and all the girls cheer because he's working it. Wes flashes everyone a pageant smile and blows kisses before strolling off.
The twins wore matching dresses. They were wearing that Zuhair Murad dress Miley Cyrus wore to the oscars. Satoru wore a red kimono dress covered in roses. David wore a sparkling blue and gray ball gown. Wes and Han were the finalists. Wes for pure fabulousness. Han for a disturbingly convincing costume of full sweet pink frilly loli dress complete with giant curly wig and ribbons. Lucy was very proud of that. With matching coat. And gloves. And socks. And baby pink platform shoes. And a ribbon. It was disturblingly convincing. He looked like Lucy.
He was wearing false eyelashes and sparkling eyeliner. Han had surprisingly nice legs in those socks. Lucy said he actually shaved them because she made him do it. Wes did get a crown when he won. He cried. And waved. The Dalton boys were laughing too hard to get up from their chairs. They were so proud of him. When Wes got changed back, he still wore his crown and pretended it wasn't there.
May the Fourth
For May 4th (Star Wars day) Windsor dressed as Jedi Knights, Clone Troopers and Siths, then engaged in a war. Han dressed as Darth Vader, which made Windsor panic and prepare to subdue him. The twins recruited Lucy on their side. Han happily went into battle against his little sister, who was dressed as Leia but armed with a lightsaber.
Han and Lucy battled in the living room. Han backflipped off the couch, his cape billowing. Lucy dived after him in a somersault. Han flipped his lightsaber with a flick of his wrist and parried Lucy's attack before neatly dodging her swing.
Lucy growled, slashed at him and turned her saber over in her hands, trying to attack his open side. They fought for ages, with Han being the superior fighter but Lucy has spirit and daring.